Lassa: Too Big For Her Breeches

To say that my eleven year old daughter Bailey is OBSESSED with acrylic nails would be an understatement. That child has been fascinated by acrylic nails, especially the ones with a french manicure, since she was like in second grade. Everytime she would see someone who had them (and believe me, she can spot acrylic nails from 50 yards away), she would do everything possible to get within arms length, including bolting across the store, jumping over racks and knocking over display tables. She would then stare at them until her eye lasers forced them to make eye contact with her so she could tell them "I like your nails."

If she got lucky and they said "why, thank you" with a kind tone of voice, or even a hint of a smile, Bailey took that as her chance to pounce on them with her tongue hanging to the ground. I'm sure these ladies thought my child was crazy but most of them didn't mind the small child caressing their hands and rubbing up their nail beds like they were some sort of heavenly creature worthy of adoration.

Back then, Bailey didn't know that there were different kinds of fake nails, she just knew that she like them. As she got older and began asking me if she could get her own fake nails, I always told her NO.

"But please Mommy, I'll pay for them with my own allowance"

"NO"

"I promise I'll help do more chores around the house"

Yeah, right! "NO"

"Then can I get gels?"

"NO"

"Solar nails?"

"NO.NO.NO"

I told her that when she went to high school and wanted to go to The Prom, that I would let her get acrylic nails then. And not a minute before.

At first she was thrilled. Until she realized just how far off The Prom is. This girl has the patience of a woman in labor waiting for her epidural while dialated to 6cm. If you've never been in labor or enjoyed the feeling of your cervix being pulled open to 6cm (and beyond!) by every muscle in your body you'll have no idea what I am talking about, but trust me. NO PATIENCE. WHATSOEVER.

So now, my child is not only obsessed with acrylic nails, she is obsessed with The Prom.

What do you do there? What if you don't get invited? What if you don't dance? Do you have to pay for your own dinner or does your date pay for it? Who gets to ride in a Limo?

Enough already, Bailey. You have six more years until The Prom. Get over it.

Last night, my cell phone started going berserk with text messages from Bailey asking if she could pleeeeeeeease get fake nails. I guess they were out shopping and she had enough money to pay for them herself, and that money was BURNING A FAKE NAIL HOLE IN HER POCKET. She could hardly contain herself until I replied my usual reply "NO", which was much easier to text message than what I was originally trying to type:

I'm sorry sweetie, but there are much better things for you to spend your money on. Acrylic will ruin your fingernails and you are way too young for that. Please understand why I don't want you to have these, okay? I love you.

But oh my god. Have you ever tried to text message from your cell phone? I can't believe that my kids know how to do that. It's enough to make you want to throw the phone down and stomp on it. Which I probably would have done if I didn't pay $200.00 for the damn thing. So, all I could get out was "NO", and before I could dial her number to tell her in person all that stuff that I was trying so desperately to text message to her in the first place, my phone beep beep beeped with a message from her:

"OK Mom. Luv ya."

Huh?

Okay?

Is it really that easy?

All this time, I have been giving them these long, drawn out explanations of why I don't want them to do things, opening myself up for debate and negotiations from them because stupid me feels like they should have the opportunity to express themselves. But being the really bad parent that I am, I usually give in after they have nagged me so hard and for so long that it's either rip my hair out and slit my wrists or give in and enjoy 14.5 seconds of peace and quiet.

And I just have to say NO? End of story?

Well THAT was a tricky lesson to learn.

Comments

Lassa, that's sweet. I have a feeling she was just wanting to touch base with you and was satisfied when she did.

Posted by: raehan | July 21, 2005 at 11:25 AM

I don't know what shes up to but it sounds fishy to me.Can it really be THAT easy?

Posted by: cori | July 21, 2005 at 11:58 AM

Is it really that easy? With my 19 month old, NO never seems to work!

Posted by: True Jersey Girl | July 21, 2005 at 07:41 PM

OMG, that's funny. Kids glom onto the funniest things !

Posted by: Donna | July 21, 2005 at 09:22 PM

LOL...that's funny. I've never been in labor but what you described above made me want to hunch over and grab onto my abdomen area. EEEESHHH....Your daughter sounds like a cutie. :)

Posted by: marie | July 21, 2005 at 10:22 PM

LOL - great story! i feel your pain both child birthing and the nails. finally the prom gets here...then is comes and goes, so do the nails. i paid for hollywood's (my now 15 y/o daughter) nails, hair, dress, shoes, makeup, and accessories...the day after the prom, she bit the nails off! homey won't fall for that trick again...

Posted by: marti | July 22, 2005 at 11:59 AM